Talking Memes, Social Media, & Dating with the Aliens of Earth To Ned

Beaming in Jolie Rice.

Beep.

How come?

Thank you for having me.

Please. Sit, sit, sit, sit. Yes, you may. This is a really comfy couch as well.

Oh, well, we've had many human bottoms on it.

What, what has been your favorite?

My favorite human bottom? Um, Cornelius, what we were talking about this in the break room. Most if we if we single out one nice bottom, the other bottoms are gonna get really mad. You don't wanna see bottoms when they're mad.

Oh, I do not. I do not. Oh, right. Oh, right. Well, this is a really cool space.

Well, it's my spaceship. Some people call it a space, other people a spaceship. What's your favorite part about it?

That it moves through the sky at a blazing speed.

How fast?

Uh, 30 jigawatts.

Okay. So, you're obsessed with all things pop culture, I heard.

Oh, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.

What what is your favorite? Like what comes to your mind when you think about pop culture?

Everything. Music, eyebrows, art.

Eyebrows? Eyebrows? Yeah. What about eyebrows?

We don't have eyebrows on our planet. I find them fascinating. Move in here, let me see yours. Let me just see. Do I really got eyebrows?

Oh yeah, you got. I've been told that I do have good eyebrows. Can you have those? Can you have them?

Uh, I want to keep them. I do want to keep them.

All right. What is what is the obsession with eyebrows?

You can use makeup. You can use makeup and put some on.

Okay. Maybe I'll do it later.

We could do it together, we could do it together.

I think the obsession with eyebrows is just the fact that you can fill them in and make them really, really nice. Makeup, all that good stuff, you know. Yeah.

Okay, they frame the face as you know.

They do. I, I think I what do you think the best feature is? Of Of humans? Yeah. Like what would be weird if you took it away, what would be weird?

A hair.

Well, hair. I mean I think you you take hair away. Would I not look good bald? Who knows? Who knows?

Have you ever seen Star Trek, the original Star Trek movie?

I've not.

There was a bald person in that. Betty was her name. I feel about the bald bald person.

Persis Kambatta. That's correct. One point for me. Gotcha. And what have you guys heard about social media apps?

Oh, have we? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah.

What are you gonna make an account?

I I believe we already have an account. I believe we have Earth to N all over the social media

How do you feel about posting and like telling everybody how your lives?

Well, I mean, you know, it's not something we do on a regular basis.

Do you care about how many likes you get?

Um, yeah, well of course.

Comments?

Yeah.

How do you? I I do. I think so. I cared more about it and then I was like, you know what, it's fine. It's like I like people it's fine if I don't get that many likes, but I go through and I stalk and look for like certain people's likes. And I'm like, oh, like he liked my photo. Oh my god. Yeah.

Really? Now, why is that? Why is that? Explain that to me.

It's because it's like say you have like a crush on someone and they like your photo. You're like, it's like, okay, they must love me. You know? Oh, yeah. They must be in love with me. You know? Like they liked my photo. That like that means a lot, right?

So, this tractor company liked one of my photos. So, that tractor company has a crush on me?

I'm, I'd safe to say. All right, I would assume you should probably DM them. Yeah. All right, John Deere.

Ned's account is Ned from TV.

Ned from TV. Does he does he post with you?

Yeah. Betty's is from is called Betty or not?

Betty or not? That's a good one, that's a good one. Who came up with that name?

I don't know, we have we have people.

You have tons of people doing that. And they figure it out. Oh yeah, definitely. What's one thing that shocks you so much about our human culture?

Oh I thought the way you're going with that is that you're gonna say what's one and one. And I was gonna say I don't know. But I think it's two.

I ask you a question again. What is the one thing that shocks you most about us human culture, pop culture?

Wow. There's so much. Mm. There's so much. Once I got over your eyeballs being stuck in your skulls. Oh. Let's see. You guys just you do so much with the art and the language and your movies and your music. We don't have any of that on my planet.

None? Where we come from. What do you do for entertainment there? What do you like what do you have?

We have nothing. No movies, no music. Nothing. We're busy fighting wars.

Now that you're here, do you watch the movies?

Oh, please, oh, please. Everything. We love popular culture. We love everything there is. We love everything. And we love to talk over each other, too. Watch this. Yeah. Cornelius talking to him. I think it's not. I'm talking. I think it's not. I just love it and you'll love it too.

Yeah, I love it too. And you love it. Time out little buddy. This is how you do a talk show, right? Yeah, 100%. You're doing everything right. Everything right. What's the funniest thing? Funniest thing about us.

Oh my god. Besides the eyeballs being stuck in the back. Oh, the funniest thing. When a dad and a son have a Wiffle ball and a Wiffle ball bat. Well, you know what happens next. I think it's funny that you think that anything you do matters. Yeah.

Yes, Betty. She's an existential laugh a minute. Yeah. What is what is that? Elaborate on that one.

Nothing has any meaning.

You don't think so?

No.

Why not?

Because I know everything, and I know that everything is nothing, and nothing is everything. That's. I've seen all possible outcomes. It's pretty much the same.

So, can you can you like tell the future if you can say possible outcomes?

No one can tell the future. What do I look like? The psychic? Get it together. Oh, bye. She hasn't seen enough Baby Yoda yet. Not yet. The memes, the memes. How do you feel about memes?

All right, now, the memes are interesting to me. They're so funny. Well, you have to I guess you have to pick your meme. What like let's see. Give me an example of a good meme that you would laugh at.

A good I mean, the Baby Yoda ones are hilarious. They're good. Hilarious. The captions that go with them. Right. They're so funny. Um.

So, how do you do a meme?

I think it's one of the things like like us people on social media just make it big ourselves. And then we decide, you know, to caption it. It's the captions that people come up with. That go with it.

How much time does it take to do a meme?

I would say you have to be naturally funny to make a really funny meme. So, probably two seconds.

Oh, I'll tell you what. You're gonna come up with a meme of me. So, I'm just gonna strike a pose. Oh, jeez. Okay. Well, you asked for it. And if you didn't, you should have. Here we go. I'm gonna strike a pose and you come up with a meme for me. Okay. Here we go. Let's see.

Well, because of your outfit, I would say when you have to when you're hanging out at like eight and going to like a party at nine. Which no one's laughing at that, like it's totally fine.

No, the reason we're not laughing is we can't. We're not allowed. You see. Try it, try it again. Try it again. Try it again. I'm giving you I'm giving you something else. I was I was thinking. Go ahead. I'm not see, you have to be naturally funny to come up with the memes. Aren't you naturally funny?

I'm naturally I am. I am naturally funny. But meme naturally funny is a whole different level. Oh, I understand. Whole different level. Okay. What about you? How about a meme for me? Are you doing? I'll come up with one for you. Ready? Go.

Okay. Let's see. I'm gonna, um, let's see. Okay. Oh. When you wanted mayonnaise, but all you got was two fingers in your face. Oh. Do another one. Do another one. Okay, good. Because because I like mayonnaise and you have fingers in your.

We're gonna let everybody else decide if that's funny. I'm gonna do one. You do a look. Okay, ready? Okay. Ready? Yeah, hit it.

Oh, are these dishes clean or dirty? Um, you know, that that's a good one. Yeah. Helpful, too. Yeah. We could probably work on it. You can send it to your deadbeat spouse. You could send it to them and see how they like that. The dishwasher, you lump.

I have a feeling when you when you're on the way back to where you came from, you're gonna demand that one is gonna resonate. It it's you know, it might grow on us. It might grow on me. It might grow on me. Okay, another question. Yeah. So, dating apps. Right. Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, all that stuff. Yeah. What are your opinions on that?

Oh, I thought you were naming the seven dwarfs. I am. There are just so many options. Wrinkles, Twitch, Farble, Shaky. We could come up with a dating app for you guys specifically. Incontinent. He's my favorite. He goes running around. What's surprisingly successful with the dating. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just I'm focusing on my career to be honest with you. Same. Same. And I I don't have time for those apps. No apps? No dating apps? Apps. What do you know about them?

About the I know that a human and another human go on them to find each other. What would be your perfect first date?

My perfect first date?

Yeah. Ideal date.

Well, my ideal date would be All right, let me set the stage.

Oh, here we go.

We're at a restaurant. Picture the restaurant. Order up. Order up. I'm being kind of kitchen.

Okay, yeah, it's not that sort of restaurant.

Okay, fine. There's a jar on the table. I open it up. Inside is mayonnaise.

You, why do you like mayonnaise so much? What? Why do you what? What's what's not to love? I don't understand the question.

Nope. Keep going, keep going. Date. Mayonnaise are acceptable.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Are you mayo focused?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What? I don't prefer mayonnaise on my sandwich.

Oh, okay. Fine. Okay.

Or anything.

When I find someone who loves mayonnaise as much as I. See, that's when you know, that's when you know.

So, could there be a mayonnaise dating app?

Yep. Yep. Yeah. May May app, May app. May app. Mayo take you on a date. Mayo. That's good. You get it. Yeah. Go, girl.

I get it. But keep going your date, there'll be a jar of mayonnaise and then then what?

I'll just eat the mayonnaise and go home. And just go. Perfect first date.

The mayonnaise is his date. Got it. A wink and a eye is better than a frog in a bush. What? I don't know. Okay. Wow. What about your first date?

Oh, good first date for me.

Yeah. Is mayonnaise involved?

Uh, no, not really. Um, I don't know, we maybe go to a few maybe a planetarium, show some places I've been, some places that used to be there that are not there anymore because of buttons I've pushed. You know, like that. And then maybe a nice dusty old used bookstore and uh couple's massage. That was the that's a good one. Yeah. Couple's massage. But they're kinda weird, aren't they? You'd have to be a couple first. Yeah, like maybe you're your spouse is going, you're growing in a little too hard over there. Relax. Relax, baby. Come on.

I'm sorry, are you two talking?

Nope, sorry about that. That's all right. We're back, we're back.

All right. My my ideal first date, maybe just like a walk on the like walk on the beach maybe. What do you think about that? That costs nothing. There's a lot of sand.

There is. There's no mayonnaise on unless you bring some there. Then you might get might get sand in your mayonnaise. Yeah. Which wouldn't be fun.

No. No. If there's one thing you want to know about like from my point of view about pop culture, what would it be?

Hmm. Well, you tell me. Look at that, look what I did. I turned it around on you.

You did turn it around on me. Pop culture. Who's the best pop culture?

Yeah. Who's the best pop culture? Well, I can't put I can't say who's the best, just like you guys can't say who your favorite guest is.

Well, we can say. We just don't want to. That is true. Okay. Because we don't want Filmic Hal beating us up again.

You got me there. You got me there. Who would you want to have on the show? Can you answer that?

I can. Rula Lenska.

Yeah. Do you know Rula Lenska?

Mm-mm. Like have her number, know her. Yeah, we could text her. We could. Seriously? Wait, do you seriously know Rula Lenska? Don't mess around.

Yeah, let's She's the most beautiful woman in the world. She was in VO5 commercials and for and for Cameo. And you guys you guys are really good friends. Right? You guys are really good friends.

We are colleagues. And my friends, we'd get together, we'd talk about celebrity crushes, we'd talk about like Instagram, all these social media apps, too. Just like, you know, normal things. What do you guys get together and talk about when you're not on the show? Uh, your friends?

Yeah, we talk about you and your friends.

Do you?

Yeah.

Do you?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we could. You could talk. You should meet my friends sometime.

What are they like?

Yeah. They they're what are they like? Yeah. They're really they're really fun. They are they're funny too. They're down for anything, they're adventurous. And, you know, they're like you guys. They're like fun and like you relate to each other and

That sounds that sounds like my friends. Yeah. Like we could be. Betty and Cornelius. Should we be friends? I think we should be friends. Yeah. Are we friends? Would you consider us friends?

Sure.

Okay. All right, we should be friends. Well, it's been very great, Jolie.

Well, I'm your friend. And we are friends. So, I tell you what, your friends and my friends will all get along. Yeah. Yeah. We could hang out. Or else.

Okay. We could hang out. Okay. Yeah, well, I'll bring my friends. It'll be a whole a whole thing. All right, but call first. Yeah. Just just call. Okay. No text. Can't text. No, no, no, no, no. You gotta call. We got places to do. Could I like your photo on Instagram?

Sure.

Okay. Okay. All right, stand up. I'll do that. Stand up, Jolie. Perfect. All right, strike a pose. Oh my word. How do you like it? Is the pose good? Beaming in Jolie Rice. Beep. Uh, does that mean we have to actually get together with her friends? We don't have to get a gift for them.