Whitney Cummings on her Stand-Up Special & Dating

I'm joined in the Young Hollywood studio with the lovely Whitney Cummings. How are you?

I feel the need to disclose that I'm really not that young. I'm glad you guys had me, but I'm 31 years old.

I'm going. I'm older than you.

Do I? I can tell. Trust me.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Let's wrap this up. We can move on.

I'm so excited that you guys think I'm young. I I actually felt bad until I saw your pillow here, uh, which has Mickey Rourke on it. Uh, who I mean, his face, his new face is actually only two years old. But, uh, I don't think he qualifies as Young Hollywood, does he? Can we can we roast a few other people on here? No, I mean, I don't have anything. I'm not gonna be mean about it, but it just makes me feel better that everyone on here is comfortably in their late sixties.

You're the youngest person that's ever sat on this sofa.

Yeah, that's probably true.

We're trying to rewind it and now bring it back to being Young Hollywood.

Right, right, right. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited.

It's the pleasure is all ours. Thank you. I agree. You were just talking about our lovely setup. Thank you.

Yeah, this this is from the pillow. Yeah, this is like a a college dorm I used to get dry humped in. It's kind of taking me back to those days.

And how was that? The dry humping?

Um, it wasn't ideal. You know.

So from a man's perspective, is is that good to do or not good to do?

Yeah, here's the thing. In your twenties, dry humping makes sense, but now I have like clothes that I care about and I don't want you to dry hump all over them, you know? It's like I gotta get this dry cleaned now.

Right. Okay.

It's not great. I'm single now, so I'm going on dates and I'm I'm really learning what's going on out there and I will tell you, it is a it is a jungle out there. People have lost their goddamn minds.

Right. Okay.

Yeah, so I'm I'm learning a lot what's going on. I don't dry hump. It's not for me. Um, and we were saying about this let's bring Priyank into it. You guys think she's famous? I don't know about that. She a Twitter model? Okay. That was good. She's cute though. Are we gonna talk about my career at some point?

Yeah, Whitney Cummings. I love you. This is what I was gonna say. This is from from comments like that. This is why we love you.

Thank you. And this is why I love you and this is why your new stand-up comedy special is going to be And it's called I Love You.

Yeah, and I and I have this

Well, I know. I was about bringing it full circle. I decided that I called it I Love You just so that cute guys would say I love you to me. I feel like we hear this is why I did it. I was talking about I feel like guys now only say I love you when they've either done something wrong or want you to stop talking. So it doesn't have any meaning anymore. Like every guy for me, the only time I hear that is when a guy's like, okay, just please it's I love you. Just please just calm down. Like that's when you hear it.

You the way that's said that yeah, I wouldn't believe that either. But you know, but do you how many girls have you told I love you to?

Um, you think?

Probably I mean a good 10 to 15.

That's your two two It's a lot. You throw this around a lot. Maybe 16 with me.

16 with you. So you used it to manipulate them.

I've used it at times when I was so desperate to fall in love with myself. Not with love myself, but with myself.

What do you mean?

I wanted to be in love. So I thought the quicker I said, I love you, the quicker I'd be in love.

Right. Yeah, no, it doesn't work that way. See this is my nightmare. This is my goddamn nightmare. A guy who's like, if I just say it, it'll happen. No, it's not magic.

I know that now I was a kid. Those poor girls. I was young. They're like, he's a liar. I was a liar when I was younger. But you but that's my thing is I feel like people use I love you to manipulate or to like because they just want to say it and it just it messes up our expectations. But now I'm in my thirties, I don't do that.

Right. What would you say your definition of love is?

See, you've said it fifteen times, you don't even have a definition. Everybody, please write some comments to this video and tell let him know. Tweet it, blog it. He's a monster. You don't have a He's a monster. #monster. Go on, hash tag it as well. #Indianlady. Priyank a monster. I thought you'd say you later. Sorry. No, you don't. Lovely legs. I thought No, you I know they're good, but when you sit this way, you get cellulite, so I have to be careful. No, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine.

So are you excited? It's obviously uh June 28th, 11 p. m. Comedy Central.

June 28th, Comedy Central, 11 p. m. My new special It's my second hour special. You Googled me. Thank you. I'm kind of nervous for the special to air actually cuz I talk about a lot of ex-boyfriends and stuff. So I watch this unless we've dated. In which case, please don't watch it cuz I'm really sorry.

Yeah, it's a lot of love relationships. Work as well, you talk about in there.

Work Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, but I talk a lot about um sort of like, uh, you know, a lot of stuff that I probably can't mention, uh, on this interview. So I don't really know how to describe it cuz a lot of it is kind of not safe for work. Not like any of you guys have jobs. Uh, but um, it's it's yeah, I talk about my getting my heart broken. I talk about what my definition of love is, cuz I actually have one unlike this sociopath. And um,

What is your definition of love? Let's let's hear it.

Well, my definition of love is when being willing to die for someone that you yourself want to kill. Okay. So yeah, I talk about that. I talk about um, orgasms a lot and um,

Even the way you've said that.

Yeah. All the sounds that I just had one. It's cuz I just had one. It's great. This interview's gone really well. This pillow is really doing it for me. I think I'm gonna ask Priyank on your lap. Yeah. Well, a threesome she's having. I mean, yeah.

So going into cuz I've always been really impressed I'm not just saying this. With stand-up it's extremely hard. Really hard to do. An hour show is it is it a lot of do you still get a lot of pressure going into that like nerves and stuff like that?

Yeah, I mean the nerves come because you never know what the audience is gonna be like. The audience is, you know, um so no matter how much you prepare, you can never prepare for any given show. So I think the key is to just be able to like let go and you know, take his annex like an adult. And uh

Comedy Central obviously you've been involved uh with them on a on a lot of things. Right. Especially you were doing a passive off.

Yep. David Hasselhoff and Joan Rivers and Donald Trump and I was, you know, there's so many places to do specials now. There's HBO and there's Netflix and there are all this stuff. And I just wanted to do it at Comedy Central because I think a lot of people forgot I was a comedian. They thought it people like thought I was an actor. And I was like, that's embarrassing. So I really wanted to do it on like Comedy Central like where comedians go. Do comedy. Yeah, you know. It's like it's the central place. It's the central exactly. It works. Exactly what it says on the canvas. So exactly right. You can't you can't mess it up. So and I was just so grateful to they've helped me kind of start out. So I really wanted to do it there. Um

Is there anyone that you haven't roasted that you'd love to get a good go in on?

I think that I would, you know, when people ask me that cuz I I haven't like, you know, haven't done roasts recently and if I ever go back to them, it would have to be for Chelsea Handler because I just want an opportunity to insult her where she can't like hit me or hurt me, like a safe environment to do it. Um or like a a place where it's like I'm allowed to do it and I won't get yelled at. Right. I'm like, I had to. That was where that was the job. Right. You know. Yeah. So cuz I have a lot of things I'd like to say to her, but I don't have the balls to say it to her face.

You're keeping a lot inside.

Yeah, a lot. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling just for me. That energy. A lot of things to say, but I'm too scared of her to say to her face.

Wow. Okay, okay. And and obviously all your other success as well. Not just the comedy. You mentioned mentioned the acting, not that you, you know, obviously comedy is your first love. You've done amazing with creating shows.

Thank you.

And that's a pretty it's really impressive stuff to get a show picked up now.

Thank you. It's on the air. It's even harder. I know, it's the lottery at this point, you know. Um, but yeah, Whitney done well, couple of seasons. Yeah. Two Broke Girls is extremely.

Yeah. Two Broke Girls. People love it. I mean, to do a multicam show that goes for I mean, we're going to our fourth season.

I'm just so glad that people like it resonates with people and people especially a multicam show, which I think a lot of people think is like not in Vogue right now, you know.

So I feel really lucky and I mean, the actresses on the show.

I don't know if you've had them in here.

Uh Kat Dennings and Beth Bears are just I don't know the magic.

And you you do easily find I mean, not easily, but you find the time to do all of this.

So I mean with the touring and stuff, I do a lot, get a lot of work done on planes.

Got it.

Uh, you know, and uh, I I have been I don't sleep that much, but yeah, I cry a lot.

What?

Huh?

Do you I love you.

I Thank you.

That was a that was to pacify me.

That was to placate me for sure.

You were panicking.

See, guys say I love you when they worry you're about to cry.

That was terrible.

That was to Please don't cry and cause a scene.

I love you.

Stop it.

I love you usually means stop it.

Whitney Cummings.

Thanks.

I love you.

Comedy Central.

June 28th.

11:00 p. m. Sunday night.

No, Saturday night.

You do the job.

Saturday night.

Yeah, me this was my moment.

you go back to playing with Priyank.