Dane Cook & Steve-O

You can slap anybody. Who would it be?

I've slapped Jimmy Kimmel several times.

Why did you slap Jimmy?

We had like a little thing going on back and forth where we would try to one-up each other. And then one day he had a box there for me and he goes, "Hey, this is a gift. We're no longer going to, you know, hurt each other." And when I opened it, he hired a contortionist woman and she was completely folded up and she jumped up and she slapped me, but she perforated my ear because she slapped me right here. So I lost hearing for about a month and a half in my ear. And this is online, you can, you can YouTube it. It's fuck YouTube.

What's your, what's your favorite YouTube video you've seen lately?

I like, uh, let's see. Well, anything to do with tasering.

Introduce me to my brother by the way. I want to introduce you to my brother.

Oh, hey, what's going on, man?

You never know who's gonna show up, dude. Now it's gonna get interesting. Really. We need you out here, man. This, this is

Are we allowed to say

Yeah. We can't.

I'm a little afraid what's gonna go on live with Stevo and Dane Cook. This is a recipe for disaster.

Hit me with another question. Hit me with another mean one. I like when people say horrible things.

Halo, Gears of War, or Modern Warfare?

You that's more of a video game question.

I'm asking you again. They keep coming back to you with these video game things.

I've always said that if I had children, I would prefer that they smoke pot and play video games.

Do you think he has time to play video games? He's too busy crawling into a bovine coming out covered in intestines.

VMA's yesterday, how was it? You were presenting?

Uh it it it was great. Uh.

Hold on, let me film this party. I'm gonna film

Yeah, we're doing the team behind the scenes. All right, come on, hit me. How was the VMA's? And be honest, how was the show, Stevo?

I got this. The VMA's are great, man. It's always cool to see like that many um that that many famous people, you know.

Who were some of the famous, who were some of the famous people that you were excited to see last night?

This, this is interesting, man, because I, you know, I've been just like everybody else, a big fan of the Jersey Shore. So I I get on the red carpet and and and I see the I see the situation over there, you know. And and I come up to him and and I'm all like jazzed and I'm like, "Yeah, dude, what's up?" And he was just like, kind of cool to me. I mean, it was really no big deal, but you know, Stevo, like, you know, I want to feel like kinda special. And, uh, afterwards they asked me, you know, all these these people asked me like who am I rooting for in Dancing with the Stars. And I said, "Well, I showed up totally like all about the situation," then he cool guyed me. So now it's all about David Hasselhoff.

Someone wants to know if you have a sexual attraction.

First of all, first of all, R. J. , can we, uh, can we get this from a little hotter? Is this place built on an Indian burial ground? What just happened to us? You like that? You need to cool down a little? Jesus Christ, let me tell you something, what I just did will win us an Emmy.

Really?

Uh-huh. Yeah. Or a Webby, whatever. You know, I've tried stand-up comedy a little bit in the past and and and with varying, uh, success, you know. Breaking bones and shoving that my ass isn't getting any easier, you know? So like, I figured if I can sort of hang out with comedians, go to comedy clubs, stuff like that, you know, like I think you can do stand-up because you've probably met so many people that have been affected by like what you've done, that you should come down, come down the Laugh Factory here in Hollywood and I'm gonna bring Stevo up as my special guest and we'll tell a couple of your stories. I'll just bring it up. I'll hang with you up there.

All right, cool.

You'd be good at this, I could see it. It's a synergy. Look what young Hollywood does. It's just a lot of connecting people. I feel like comedy is reliant upon the truth, you know? And just by telling some of these true stories like, I met Lars Lars Ulrich from Metallica. And and I told him, "Oh man, dude, Lars, I feel like I grew up with you, man, you know?" And he said, "Likewise." It's so weird. I have a Dave Matthew story. I was, uh, on tour last year. An elevator door, uh, I go down at like 2:00 in the morning to go to like, uh, you know, some convenience store. And when the doors open, I'm already like, I'm walking as doors open. And he's walking in. And we both kind of step back and I quickly realized who it was and he's with a few of his, uh, his guys from his band and he looks at me and he goes, "Uh, I like your comedy, man." And because I was already starting to walk, I I just, it was weird that he was right in front of me and I walked past him and I didn't know how to return the compliment with what he did and I couldn't put it. This is what I said to Dave Matthews. And I didn't stop to be like, "Hey, nice to meet you." I walked away from him and I looked back and I go, "I love your entertainment." That's what I said to Dave Matthews. I go, "I I enjoy your entertainment." And I kept on walking. And he he went like, "Uh, you have no idea who I am."

And last thing we want to know from Dane, what did you not ask Dane that you want to know?

What have I not, uh, what night should I come by the Laugh Factory? Uh, anytime next week, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I'm gonna bring you up and just have a few stories ready to go. And we'll entertain the people. And maybe like, you know, we'll do some testicle painting or something that night.